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I love chanukah- it is one of the yomim tovim that is both so ruchniyus( spiritual) and also has delicious, delicious food like donuts, and it is understood and celebrated even by the most secular yidden. 

We had a lovely chanukah so far- Sorah is still at playgroup and that in itself is no small miracle! I don't know how those teachers do it, but so far so good, BH BH BH. 

About imamother.com- someone showed me this site.  It looks so public.  Everybody knows your business.  How do you keep private there? How do you know someone isn't spying on you and learning about your problems?  

I guess I'm just confused about internet privacy generally. 


bad news and good news from today

Bad news: Sorah cried through her first day at this new playgroup.  The teacher was not a happy camper when I picked her up.  And it is so impossible getting out with the baby. Just running one or two errands is draining- putting him in and then taking him out and x2 and x2 again. 

Good news: I had some peace and quiet while she was out and made two new friends here on my blog! One person is commenting and another friend sends me messages. It is so nice! I feel so much better when I have a chance to talk to adults who don't cry about every little thing. 

I don't remember if I wrote this already, but my sister in law is not a nice person.  apparently, she was talking to my mother about more specialists that I should take sorah to.  She said something about autism, but I looked that up and Sorah doesn't have that I don't think, because she doesn't live in her own world. She does have communication problems - because her main way of communicating is to cry, but she doesn't line up toys or anything like that. She will just throw them instead.  

I don't really want to schlep out to another specialist for Sorah, even if my sister in law finds someone. It's impossible to take all three of them out, so I would have to go when Shaindel is in school, and still it will take ages to get them bundled up and in the car and then into the doctor's office. And then what is the baby going to do while the doctor is doing all his testing with Sorah?  I will probably need to hold her down and I can't really do that with Yitzie can I?  For all her "concern" my sister in law DID NOT offer to babysit.   If I go along with this- it will be my whole entire day.  And I will be overwhelmed and exhausted and for what? So another "specialist" could tell me that it's normal for kids to cry or that he doesn't know what's wrong?

Another good thing I forgot! Shaindel's teacher sent a note home that she davened very nicely.  I gave her a kiss and a little bag of chips. 

I don't understand how to use this

I tried to see my Friends page just now and got my own blog.  Why isn't it showing up?  I joined communities and friended people and all that.  What am I doing wrong. GRRRRRRR so frustrating and I have no TIME FOR THIS.  I tried to sign Sorah up for a different playgroup this morning, that was NERVE WRACKING. I'll write about it later.  I need to go have a cup of tea and relax.

mixed blogs q.

ok, so what do you think about mixed blogs?  Do you follow blogs written by men or do you join online communities with males in them?

In my chassidus, we don't really intermingle.  It's not like modern orthodox where they go to mixed events and couples eat out a lot together.  I mean, I suppose there are plenty of lubavitchers who do that- I shouldn't speak for everyone.  But my mashpia discourages it but I haven't asked her about online stuff.  It seems silly to bother her with this.  And also, honestly, I don't know what she'd say about my blogging and spilling everything on line about my feelings and Sorah and the rest of my CRAZY HECTIC life. She's a very cautious person.  I should maybe be like her a bit more!

But I'm wandering again, lol :)  Should I join communities or groups or whatever they are called if they also have men posting and writing?  Is this appropriate?  Sometimes it is hard to tell at first who is in a group.  I really don't want to be in an uncomfortable position and maybe Moishe will find it strange too.  

Anyone with advice?
And now that I think of it, what about blogs with non Jewish people or in groups with them? Is that okay? Again, some people might find my question here weird, but this is how it is in my chassidus, we don't really socialize with gentiles so much ( I don't say goyim, some people get SO offended- that's a story for a different day!).  So what do you do?


I'm going to try to get new friends on this blog.  Like I said earlier, I don't have much experience with this and I'd love to learn how to really use this blog for support for parents like me with the challenges I have with Sorah.  I think the first part of that will be finding blogs from other people and seeing how they are doing it.  I'll let you know how it goes!!

Also I plan to post a list of blogs I am following.  I think there's a special way to do that- not sure yet. Gotta go- Yossi is howling!

Welcome to Yosef Yitzchak!!!!

I haven't written in a while and I have lots of news to tell!  

Most importantly, I had a baby boy, BH, BH, BH!  The bris was on Thanksgiving and his name is Yosef Yitzchak! I always wanted to have a little Yossi or Yitzie and now I do :)  He is a cute little kid, adorable like you wouldn't believe.  My birth story would take a whole year to write (and maybe one day I will) but suffice it to say that this WAS NOT an easy labor and that I was in that hospital for quite some time both before and after delivery.  

The whole time during the bris I was thinking about how the secular world is having Thanksgiving for their narishkeit, but how my family is thankful for what really matters- a new baby! Boruch Hashem.  

The baby is pretty good, but he wakes to feed whenever he wants, he's not on schedule yet of course.  So basically, I am up every 1-2 hours to feed him.  Sorah is still home, I am desperately looking for a play group for her or a sitter so she can go out sometime.  When she's home, someone's always crying either her or the baby and my nerves are SHOT.  Shaindel is out of the house most of the day and even when she's home, she just plays by herself or at a friend's house.  But I still cannot handle both the baby (I'm going to have to start calling him by his name soon, I know, I know- right now he is still just The Baby to me:)) and Sorah.  It's like nails on a chalkboard hundreds of times an hour.  Actually, the days I was in the hospital seem like a breeze compared to this.  I can't even ask Moishe's relatives to help out with Sorah, because they all helped when I was in the hospital. So basically, I'm stuck with her until I figure out a playgroup or something else for her. 

But I have to do that soon. I'm going OUT OF MY MIND. 

Also, I want to start blogging more.  I think it calms me down.  I need to figure out how to make a list of all the blogs I visit and also how to sign up for groups or communities or something.  I don't want my real life friends to know about this blog and certainly not Moishe's family, but I do need to have some live journal blogging buddies, don't I?  

What else? How else can I make friends online? 

Okay, now I'm going to crash and get some shut eye

I hate politics

I really really hate politics.  The men in shul talk about nothing else and even some of the women are also like that.  I hate politics and wish moshiach would come already so we don't have to deal with these idiots in government.  lol, now you know that I have strong opinions about politics! 


my sister in law

I was not frum growing up, so although it is unfortunate that my family is still secular and doesn't know about the beauty of frumkeit,  the good thing is that we don't have a lot to do with them.  If I was a better person, a better shlucha of the rebbe, I would figure out a way to get them involved, to reach out to them.  Because they are Jews just like us, just their pintele yid is hiding for the moment.  But anyway, they are not interested, so we don't see them as much as we see my husband's family. 

Which is fine. I love Moishe's family.  He has KAH 8 siblings and his mother is unbelievable. I tell my shvigger she is so amazing each time I see her- she's always helping or hosting some event or chinese auction or organizing something. It's really amazing how she has the energy and time for all of her projects. 

One of his sisters, let's call her Mushkie, has two children of her own and she thinks that makes her an expert on all things parenting.  She's constantly critical of me and how I deal with Sorah's behaviors.  You wouldn't believe the things she was saying to me over yom tov! She basically told me it was my fault Sorah cries so much and that I should have more limits and not give her food everytime she starts crying. Which I don't.  And she said it in not a nice way either, she was pretty nasty about it.  It's not exactly what I needed at that time.  Picture it: I'm almost 8  months pregnant, half of Moishe's family is in my sukkah, Sorah is crying... and she starts yelling at me when I give her a cookie.  What I needed was support and understanding, not criticism.  And it's not exactly like her kids are perfect.  Her older son is 10 and he's the most chutzpadik child I have ever met. 

Anyway, I bit my tongue. Because she is our family.  But next time, I won't.  Next time I will tell her how unhelpful she is and how her behavior is stressing me out. I should stand up for myself more.  right? 


The good and the bad

Sorry I haven't written in a while.  Yomtov was crazy, crazy.  

First of all, I am almost due soon! The big day is coming up!  We don't tell people when the baby is due, but it is SOON and I am HUGE.  I can barely bend down.  

And on top of that, sukkos was so insane.  We had guests almost every single meal and twice we had a family with small kids and then a couple.  So I have been cooking up a storm. Some of the things came out really well, I must remember to figure out if there's a special way to post recipes here on this blog.  Simchas torah was really nice- my husband took both girls to shul and I stayed home and it was such a mechaya to be by myself and relaxing.  He said they were good in the beginning but then Sorah got scared of something and wouldn't stop crying so he gave her to a friend's daughter to watch for a while. At some point, she was crying too much for the people in shul so he had to take them both home.  He never complains, though.  He's such a tzaddik, I don't know what I would do without him.

We had an annoying situation with my sister in law, though. She's not a tzaddeikes.  More about that later.

The main bad news is that Sorah's playgroup is not going to work out, it looks like.  She's only been going there for a few days, but the  morah who runs it called me yesterday and said she doesn't think it is a good fit, Sorah cries a lot and she also bit one kid yesterday. I told her it was normal for kids to cry when they start a new program and to let's see how it goes.  I  don't think she was convinced, so I guess I should start looking for another play group.  The last few days when she was in playgroup were such a mechaya- it was quiet and nice and I could drink my coffee and actually hear myself think.  I really hope there's another group that will take her.  I really need a break.


I need a do-over

 Do you ever have those days when you wish there was a do-over button in life? 

Today, I got up this morning and found that while my husband was at shul, Shaindel was watching Sora and they made themselves breakfast. Agggggghhhhhh. I'm stepping all over little cereal bits and there's milk on the table. But that's not the main part.  The main part is that while Shaindel was making breakfast (making= pouring on the floor), Sorah dumped everything out of the fridge door that she could reach.  So now on my kitchen floor there is: cereal, milk, Kineret coffee whitener, honey mustard salad dressing, spicy brown mustard and haolam parmesan cheese.  

That parmesan cheese is expensive! and it's all over my floor!  Ok, it's not the worst thing that could happen.  I did try to remember that everyone is healthy and boruch hashem we have cereal and milk and parmesan cheese in the first place.  But the mess! The mess! It took me two hours to clean the floor and then I had to give Sorah a bath. I am beyond exhausted and my day has just started.

And I am supposed to be cooking for shabbos right now.  So this is not working out for me.  I need a do over button this morning.